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From: Alien Spy, codename: “null value/null value/heptad”

To:  Orbital Intelligence Communications Node Guiding Intelligence codename: “Mu”.

Swarm Date: TotalSubmissionDay; 20^th rotation of Swarm Unblemished Unity; Year of the Screaming Traitor.

My Host’s rudimentary intelligence is torn between two poles of emotion during this cycle.

The problem is this:

The fourth most dominant species of this planet -men - (ranked Number Four on the Rock by our beloved nest-mates, the geniuses at Central Intelligence; after cockroaches cats and women) has a bicameral brain.

This is to say that the male species possesses two distinct, separate and specialised brain centres or hemispheres - denominated “chambers” - of sense and sensation, cognition, action and will.

The first (“left”) chamber is concerned with linear reasoning and language, including grammar and vocabulary, and thus is employed making rational judgements about football and stating them verbally. The second (“right”) chamber is concerned with the processing of visual and audiological stimuli, spatial manipulation, facial perception, and artistic ability and thus is utilised to observe, participate in and to express feelings about football.

Please note that a man can consider and respond to one particular subject (and one subject only), at any given time; but in the above two different ways.

This gross physiological fact about our Number Four enemy here on Planet Trash should be compared with the unicameral nature of the brains of women which lack this distinctive and useful intellectual polarisation. This is probably a weakness on the women’s’ part and can be exemplified by their muddled attitudes to, for example, overtaking slower-moving vehicles when they are piloting one of them along Trash’s mass-transit system.   

Men’s consciousnesses will usually be concentrated on the goal and the activity of overtaking and overtaking alone: the bicameral intelligence both observing the need to be in front of the tardy vehicle ahead and generating the willpower and physical manipulations that are directed to the pursuit of that goal.

Admirable.

The mind of a typical female biped in the same situation will be much less focused and task-oriented, and will be typified by a loss of concentration and a weakening of willpower towards goal-seeking because random and distracting thoughts, images and words enter her more stream-like consciousness: irrelevant and redundant phrases such as “twisted wreckage” and “mangled corpses” often frustrating the mission altogether.

During this light cycle, therefore, the Host is obliged to take turns thinking about and emotionally responding to:

# the Warrior Caste of this archipelago henceforth being obliged by the local Military Decision-making Caste to resurrect as the chief stratagem of their Hive-defending capabilities that ancient and long-neglected technology called the “moat,” (feelings which are summarised here), 

and

# what the Host considers to be the most sublime and yet paradoxically brilliant strategy of using the perceptions and judgement of an immature adult biped to assess the likely result of the Western Continental Hive’s ongoing ritual civil war; an assessment that the Host regards with an untranslatable and frankly redundant Trashly emotion denominated “LOL.”